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fan fics by TheDragonWarlock

Literature by The-Mystery-Of-Doom

Fan Fiction by Jleicester231


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July 15, 2011
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Just one last tree and this row will be done. Applejack lifted her rear legs and gave the apple tree a buck causing apples to fall into the buckets. She smiled as she looked over the orchard of her home, Sweet Apple Acres. There was still much more work to do, and the sun was about to set. 'I best not get myself too far behind,' Applejack thought. She gathered the few stray apples that missed the buckets and loaded the buckets onto the cart.

Those buckets were heavy. It made her mad that her big brother, Big Macintosh, could carry three full buckets on his back, while she could only manage one at a time. 'Not today big brother.' She grunted in exertion and managed to get two buckets on her back. She strained to stand and walked slowly to the cart. She began to slow down due to the weight of the apples, so with gritted teeth she pushed herself harder. 'Come on Applejack, you ain't the most dependable of ponies for nothing.'

Applejack walked around the cart and lowered herself to set down the buckets. The day's hard work caught up to the work pony, and she sat down catch her breath. She looked around to make sure Macintosh wasn't there. Certain that she was alone Applejack removed her hat and looked inside.

Tucked inside the worn but loved hat was a small lock of pink hair. She smiled as she stroked the pink hair, her mind going back to the previous year when her heart made a choice that even her stubborn nature couldn't deny.

"But that'll take forever," Rainbow Dash complained.

Applejack paid no attention to the impatient pegasus. Her concern was helping Fluttershy get up the mountain safely. The time it would take didn't matter. 'Once Fluttershy is up there, I know she'll show everypony what she's made of.' She tied the petrified pony's tail to her head and dragged her along a side trail.

Big Macintosh cleared his throat and nudged his sister.

"Oh Mac," Applejack said her mind snapping back to the present, "I guess my mind wandered." She tucked the lock of hair back into the hat before putting it back on. "I hope you weren't waiting long."

"Nope," Mac said.

"Good. Well, we'd better get back to work. Them apples ain't gonna pick themselves."

"Eeyup."

"I'll be there in a sec." Applejack gave her legs a stretch and walked back onto the path towards the cart. A quick look over the fields told the hardworking pony that they wouldn't have much time left since it was almost nightfall. 'At least I can get the wagons into the shed and get started on dinner,' she thought. In spite of how tired she was, she still kept a swift trot down the path.

A cool evening breeze refreshed her sweaty coat and tired muscles. 'Thank you kindly, Princess," she thought. She walked around the carts latching them together. When she set the harness up to pull them to the shed something hit her hat. "What in the world was that," she asked. She looked over to where the object fell and saw it was a note. Applejack looked up and could not find the source of the note, so she sat down and read it. Her eyes slowly grew wide as she read the words.

Applejack,
Go to Fluttershy's house right now. She's been in an accident. The rest of the girls are already on their way there.


Her body went numb, and she read the note again hoping that she was mistaken. Before she could realize what was happening, Applejack charged towards Ponyville. She bolted past Big Macintosh without a word and he could see concern and fear on her face.

'Hold on, Sugarcube. I'm coming,' Applejack thought as she rushed towards Ponyville.

Ponyville bustled with activity and the town square full of ponies. These ponies stood in the way of an Applejack that was not about to weave through them. She barreled through them and not once looking back to apologize. Her tears obscured her vision, but she knew the way to Fluttershy's cottage by heart. Various scenarios ran through her head. How badly was she hurt? It had to be serious for her presence to be required so quickly. She swallowed hard and pushed herself to run faster.

Once again, the day's hard work caught up with her. She felt herself slowing down, and this drove fear into her heart. Her mind returned to the potential horrors that she could find upon arriving at Fluttershy's door.

"No," she screamed and resumed her frantic gallop. This pain will pass. 'Focus, Applejack. You need to get there before it's too late.'

"You know, Sugarcube, I'd be mighty grateful if you could start walking again. I don't mind dragging you, but we need to get to the top before it's too late." Applejack stopped dragging the paralyzed pony and looked back. She smiled as she saw the yellow pegasus's legs begin to relax. "That's right. Now we are in a hurry, but that don't mean that I'm gonna force you to move any faster than you need to."

Applejack untied Fluttershy's tail from her head and noticed a bit of hair caught in her hat. 'I'll take care of that later,' she thought not knowing that she would never want to lose it from that day forward.

Fluttershy rolled to her side and tried to stand up, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. It's alright to be scared, but we have to get going. The girls are waiting for us, and we can't let them down."

The yellow pony dropped her head, "I. I'm scared. I'm. I'm sorry."

Applejack sighed and gave Fluttershy a hug. She intended only to calm the poor pony, but surprised herself when she gave her a kiss on the head.

Fluttershy looked up at Applejack and said, "Thank you. You're always so patient with me. I'm lucky to have you as a friend."

The orange pony smiled and helped Fluttershy to her hooves, "I'll always be there for you. Remember that."

She reached the outskirts of Ponyville and Fluttershy's cottage came into sight. Applejack kept running and didn't slow down. She braced herself and charged through Fluttershy's front door with so much force that she knocked the bottom half off its hinge and knocked the top one loose. Large splinters bore into Applejacks chest and shoulder and just like the ponies she ran through back in Ponyville she paid no heed.

The main room was dark and Applejack scanned the room for the timid pegasus. 'Dang it. I can't see anything,' she thought. Her eyes adjusted to the darkness of the room and she saw what she feared. Fluttershy lay in the middle of her living room shaking like a leaf.

Applejack tried to run up to her, but her legs were exhausted and felt as though she walked through sand. The extent of her exhaustion was clear, and she bumped into a table knocking off a large bowl that hit the floor with a loud splash. Still, she managed to reach the fallen pony. She reached out a hoof to turn Fluttershy over, but she couldn't do it.

"Fluttershy," Applejack whispered. 'Oh, please be ok.'

The pegasus laid there shivering and did not respond. Applejack tried to move her, and Fluttershy let out a squeak. Applejack stopped fearing internal damage. She looked over her friend tears still running down her cheeks. 'She don't look hurt,' she thought to herself. 'Maybe I better check her heart.' Applejack barely remembered what she learned in first aid class, and she lifted Fluttershy's foreleg and put her ear to her chest only to find that Fluttershy's heart was beating too fast.

Applejack took to her feet, but she didn't take her eyes off of Fluttershy. 'Ok, calm down Applejack. What can cause a pony to collapse and raise a heartbeat?' Once again, she felts pangs of panic as an image appeared in her mind. 'Poison,' she thought. 'No. Fluttershy would know better, and there ain't no way some pony would poison her. Why would anypony want to harm such a sweet thing?' Her fear began to mix with anger at the thought of Fluttershy being a victim. She remembered the note saying that the rest of the girls were on their way to Fluttershy's cottage, but they weren't there.

'Fluttershy ain't got the luxury of waiting on them. I gotta get her to the hospital.'

She lowered herself to place Fluttershy onto her back. "It's alright, Sugarcube. I'm gonna get you to the hospital."      

"Applejack," a quiet voice spoke out from Fluttershy's kitchen.

The orange pony turned her head, her eyes burned with tears and anger. "Who's there," she tried to shout but came out as a hoarse cry.

Twilight Sparkle slowly emerged from the kitchen. Concern and fear etched on her face.

Applejack sighed and she patted Fluttershy on her side, "It's gonna be ok Fluttershy. Twilight's here." She looked at the lavender unicorn and said, "Look we ain't got no time to explain, but Fluttershy here might be hurt bad. We need to get her to a doc."

Twilight's eyes were locked onto Applejack's, but she managed to look over at the battered door. Her eyes then went down to Fluttershy and back to Applejack. The fear and concern on Applejack's face stunned her for a moment.

Once Twilight managed to find her voice again she said, "Applejack, she's fine." Twilight flared her horn and the lights came on.

Applejack could see the room though once again she needed to wait for her eyes to adjust to the sudden change. The normally plain room now decorated with balloons, streamers, and a big banner that read, "Happy Birthday, Applejack!" She looked around and saw the table she bumped into had presents and cups. On the floor next to the table was a silver punch bowl turned over its contents spilled on the floor.

It was at this time Pinkie Pie and Rarity made their way out of their respective hiding places. They both shared looks of concern their faces.

Pinkie walked up to Applejack, gave her a hug and whispered, "Surprise. I'm sorry."

'Surprise,' Applejack thought to herself. 'Just what kind of surprise is this?' She still felt tired and the adrenaline rush faded. The splinters stuck in her chest and shoulder began to sting. Applejack looked down and saw Fluttershy getting up, but the yellow pony kept her head down.

In a flash, Applejack grabbed the meek pegasus and began covering her with kisses on her cheeks, face, forehead, and even her snout. "Oh sugarcube! I'm so glad ya'll are ok." A wave of relief washed over Applejack. 'She's ok.'  She pulled away and looked at Fluttershy. The yellow pony's face was flush and she smiled at Applejack.

Applejack looked into those beautiful blue green eyes, and she could not help herself. She leaned in and kissed Fluttershy on the lips. In this betrayal of her emotions, Applejack felt nothing but joy. Fluttershy's soft lips tasted sweet, and Applejack enjoyed the scent of her mane. If she had to give the feeling a name, she would say that is felt like kissing spring.

The timid pegasus froze for a second and began to return the kiss. She lifted a hoof and stroked Applejack's cheek. A small squeak escaped her when the strong work pony tightened her embrace, and they remained that way until a voice shouted out.

"What the hay is going on," Rainbow Dash shouted.

The shock of what happened hit Applejack like a bucket of ice water. She pulled away from Fluttershy and took a few unsteady steps back causing her to fall onto her haunches, but she kept her eyes locked on her friends. They all had concerned looks except for Rarity who looked as though she was about to burst from giddiness, always the romantic that one, and Rainbow who was angry. 'What the hay is wrong with Rainbow,' Applejack thought, but a sharp pain knocked her focus down to her chest.

"Ow," she looked down and saw Fluttershy had a large splinter in her mouth. The blood on the splinter reminded Applejack of her less than graceful entrance. She lowered her head and said "I'm mighty sorry about your door there Fluttershy. I promise I'll get her fixed for you good as new."

Rarity still had a radiant smile on her face and said, "Applejack, you simply must tell us what spurred you to kiss Fluttershy."

Applejack sighed and said, "Alright everypony. Well, I don't really know where to begin. I mean, I always thought Fluttershy's sweeter than a caramel apple, and-"

"Oh come on. You really expect us to buy that," Rainbow asked.

Applejack walked up to the blue pegasus and tried to put a hoof on her shoulder. When Rainbow knocked it away Applejack asked "Rainbow did I do something wrong? I understand if this is a shock to you but I can't help that I feel this way for Fluttershy."

Rainbow Dash shook her head, "Yeah yeah yeah. Nothing I haven't heard before." She turned to Fluttershy and said, "Fluttershy, Outside! Now!" Rainbow Dash made her way outside of her cabin and gave Fluttershy a stern look and a quick glare to Applejack.

"Um, I'll be right back. I promise," Fluttershy said to Applejack and gave her a hug before she made her way to the entrance of the cottage. She stopped to examine what was left of her door before she stepped outside. Rainbow Dash opened her mouth to speak and then looked up. She shot up in the air and Fluttershy slowly followed.

"Um, anypony know what's going on," Applejack asked.

Twilight left to the kitchen to grab a first aid kit, and Rarity asked. "What do you mean?"

Applejack face darkened, "I mean, just what the hay is wrong with ya'll? How could you send me that note, and cause me to think poor Fluttershy was hurt?"

"Ugh, Rainbow," Twilight said. She set the first aid kit down and rubbed her face with a hoof. She looked to Applejack and said, "I'm really sorry, but we needed a reason to get you here, and Rainbow said that you're always rushing to help Fluttershy." Twilight smiled and nudged Applejack, "I guess we know why."

"Uh, yeah. I guess we do. Listen girls. I have to know right now. Are ya'll ok with this? The last thing I want is to lose my friends."

Pinkie gave Applejack a big hug, "Of course we're ok with it. The look on Fluttershy's face was priceless. I don't think I've seen her happier."

Applejack smiled and looked to the other two ponies who were nodding in agreement. She blushed and said, "Thanks. I really appreciate it."

"Great," Twilight said, "Now let's get you cleaned up." She began to clean Applejack's wounds and pull all the splinters from her shoulder and chest.

Above the cottage, another conversation was taking place.      

"Rainbow what's wrong," Fluttershy asked her friend.

If the blue pegasus heard her, she made no sign of it. She just kept mumbling to herself before saying, "I can't believe it! Applejack now thinks she can save you! Gah!" She turned to Fluttershy and said, "Don't even give me that look! I know what's going on here. Applejack thinks she can take care of you. Protect you. Heck I think she could." She flew closer to the yellow pegasus until their noses were touching. "But the real question is 'How long is she gonna put up with you?'" she asked with a poke of her hoof into Fluttershy's chest.

Fluttershy looked down to her cottage and said, "I, um, don't think she would do that. She isn't like that." She looked at Rainbow Dash and asked, "Please, Rainbow Dash, tell me why you're so mad?"

Rainbow Dash gave her friend a smile and said, "I'm not mad. It's just that…" She flew around Fluttershy a few times before saying, "Look I know you like her, and I know she really likes you," she said flying closer to the yellow pegasus and placed her hooves on her shoulders with a look of genuine concern. "I just don't want you to have to nurse another broken heart. You've been hurt before. I don't want to see you be, you know, 'broken' again." Fluttershy flinched as unwanted memories began to flood her mind. She was grateful when Rainbow gave her a shake.

"Stay with me," Rainbow said. "Now don't get me wrong, I trust AJ. I know she'll treat you right. But tell me this, do you love her?"

"Um," Fluttershy said, "I don't know. I only just found out she likes me."

"I'm sorry Fluttershy but that just isn't good enough," Rainbow said.

"I want to find out for myself," Fluttershy said. "No. I need to find out. I know you are only looking out for me but I want this. If things don't work out I think we could still be friends."

With a sigh Rainbow Dash said, "Alright let's get you to your girlfriend."

Fluttershy smiled and followed her down.

Once both pegasus ponies were on the ground Fluttershy ran back into her cottage. Twilight had finished cleaning up Applejack's shoulder and chest and bandaged her up. Fluttershy ran over to Applejack and threw her forelegs around her giving her kiss on the cheek and a quick peck on the lips.

Applejack looked over to Rainbow and saw that she was no longer mad and now was concerned. Rainbow motioned for Applejack to follow her outside and she did so.

Once they were both outside Applejack said, "I hope you don't expect me to follow you on up."

Rainbow Dash just paced back and forth for a bit before looking Applejack right in the eye, "If you hurt her-," she began.

"Now hold on there," Applejack interrupted. "I ain't looking to cause nopony any pain. I just fell for the filly and now I think I can-"

"Take care of her," Rainbow Dash finished for Applejack her eyes narrowing having heard the same line before.

Applejack just looked at Rainbow a little taken aback by what she said. She shook her head and said, "I don't know what you think my motives are, but I am not looking to be Fluttershy's personal shield." The words caught Rainbow Dash by surprise. Applejack continued, "Now don't get me wrong. I want to take care of her, but," she looked over to Fluttershy who was now nervously talking to the other ponies, "that pony is far more capable than she even realizes. You've seen it Rainbow. Remember how she dealt with that manticore and then with the dragon?" Applejack could feel her cheeks begin to redden as she remembered their trial that day. She shook her head and said, "That's a little bit of the true Fluttershy coming out. She can be as tough and dependable as she wishes she could be, and it can't be forced out. It needs to come out at its own pace at its own time."

Applejack looked back to Rainbow Dash and saw her smiling. Rainbow lifted a hoof and said, "Listen. I'm sorry I'm being so protective of Fluttershy, but she has had too many heroes try to save her and end up hurting her." She lowered her head and said, "I wish I could say all the pain was emotional, but one just lost patience and resorted to a little 'slap her down' therapy." Rainbow shook with anger when she said that. She looked up to Applejack and saw genuine concern on the mare's face. With a grin Rainbow said, "Oh don't worry. He received more than a little therapy from me. Of course that resulted in another of many disciplinary problems that led me getting kicked out of flight school." She looked back to Fluttershy, and smiled at the yellow pony. She was finished cleaning up Applejack's heroic entrance and was smiling at her friends. Rainbow leaned towards Applejack and said, "I wouldn't do anything different. I don't like to admit it and you better keep it to yourself, but I can't stand to see her sad."

With a nervous cough Rainbow said, "Well anyway it's about time we started your birthday party."

"Yeah about that," Applejack said. "Ya'll do know my birthday ain't till tomorrow right?"

"Of course we do silly," Pinkie shouted, "but we figured that there would be no way we could keep a surprise party hidden from the Element of Honesty on her birthday. You'd see right through it!"

With a laugh, Applejack and Rainbow Dash went back inside the cottage. Applejack nuzzled Fluttershy's cheek and gave her an affectionate kiss.

"Oh they're so cute together," Rarity said. She sat down on Fluttershy's couch and said, "Now Applejack, please finish your story.

Applejack turned to Rainbow Dash and when the blue pegasus smiled and nodded she said, "Well, like I said, I've always thought Fluttershy was cute and sweet. Before Twilight came to Ponyville, we never spent a lot of time together, but the few times we did talk they were great." She put her leg around Fluttershy, "It wasn't until we had to face that scary dragon that I understood what I felt."

She took her hat off and showed everypony the lock of hair she saved, "This lock of hair got caught in my hat. I look at it when I'm too tired. It's comforting." She cleared her throat and said, "Anyway, I fell in love with her when she stood up to that dragon. All of us failed in trying to convince him to leave, and it wasn't until Fluttershy scolded him that I saw her true beauty and strength." She leaned and gave Fluttershy a kiss on the head earning her a giggle from the shy pony.

"I can't believe you kept your feelings hidden for almost a year," Twilight said.

Applejack nodded leaning in to nuzzle Fluttershy one more time and said, "Well, yeah. Ah just didn't want to lose what we already had as friends. Though there were times that I really wanted to let my feelings known, I still kept them to myself. It's silly now but then it seemed for the best." She looked back at Fluttershy, stared into those beautiful eyes and said, "Though I really wish I said something sooner."

Applejack stood up still standing close to Fluttershy and said, "Now let's get this party going."

"Yay," the other ponies cheered

As usual, it was another Pinkie Pie party success. All the ponies danced and laughed the night away.

Once the party finished Applejack went to work rebuilding Fluttershy's front door. "It's a mighty good thing Rainbow has a habit of crashing into your door Fluttershy, but how many spare doors do you have?"

Fluttershy giggled and said, "Oh just that one, and she doesn't crash. She just, um lands harder than she intends."

Rainbow groaned and Fluttershy giggled again.

"Well, I promise that this will be a door that you'll be proud of." It took some doing, but she made a few improvements to it. She made it lighter so Fluttershy would be able to open it easier and moved the hinges so the door would open wider in case she needed to bring in a wounded critter. Once the work was done the only ponies still there were Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy who lived there.

"There," Applejack said admiring her work, "Why I reckon it's better than new." She looked over to the other two ponies and could see that Fluttershy was falling asleep and Rainbow still had something on her mind.

"Well Fluttershy," Applejack said to the sleepy pegasus, "I best be getting home." She gave her a kiss on the cheek and said, "What do you say we have lunch tomorrow?"

Fluttershy blushed and nodded. "Good night Applejack." She gave Applejack a kiss on the cheek and before the orange pony could turn away, she gave her a quick kiss on the lips earning her a blush from the earth pony.

"Yeah night everypony," Rainbow Dash said before she soared out of the house.

Applejack left Fluttershy's cottage with a huge smile on her face. 'Best birthday ever,' she thought to herself. She was so lost in thought that she didn't notice Rainbow Dash land next to her.

"There something you need to know," she said startling Applejack out of her thoughts.

The two ponies stopped and Applejack said, "Well it must be mighty important if you didn't want to say it back at the party."

"Yeah," Rainbow said, "Look. Fluttershy hasn't had a lot of relationships. She just isn't that kind of pony, but the few relationships she's had haven't ended well." Rainbow flapped her wings taking flight and circled Applejack as though she were looking for the next words. After a minute, she landed and said, "Most of what happened to Fluttershy is harmless. Some colt would get tired of her shy and timid nature and dump her. You remember the one that hit her?"

Applejack nodded.

"Well like I said I got him," Rainbow said with a grin but her expression went dark, "But there was one I couldn't get, and it was the one that hurt her the most. The worst part is that I don't even know who it was. Fluttershy never told me, and I'm not about to force it out of her." She looked at Applejack and said, "I'm telling you this because Fluttershy and me have a deal. If she has found someone she can truly trust then she'll tell them what happened. You know how long it takes Fluttershy to say things that don't matter so this will take a long time for her to tell you. But when she finally does, just listen." Rainbow's eyes were wet with tears, and she remembered what that colt did. She leaned into Applejack's neck and began crying and cursing softly into her mane.

"Shh, ok Rainbow," Applejack said. She held the sobbing pegasus. After a few minutes, Rainbow regained much of her composure and gave Applejack a weak smile.

"Thanks," she began, "I'm sorry about that it's just that when she tells you about him." She paused to try and maintain her composure. "When she finally tells you, you'll understand." Rainbow sniffed back some more tears before taking off.

"Night Rainbow," Applejack said as Rainbow Dash flew away. She wondered just what happened to Fluttershy to have this strong a reaction to Rainbow. 'She'll tell me when she's ready,' Applejack thought.

She looked up to the sky and realized the time. Applejack took a few steps and stumbled forward. She wore herself out today, but she didn't care. She looked to the second floor of Fluttershy's cottage and saw her girlfriend standing at the window. 'My girlfriend,' she thought. The thought sounded like music to her.

Applejack waved and smiled as Fluttershy waved back. She turned and started walking back home. 'Just what happened to her,' she thought. Applejack shook her head instead focusing on how she finally shared her feelings with Fluttershy. There was a new feeling in her chest. It was a warmth that Applejack hoped would never go away.
This is a short Appleshy ship I wrote. There is foreshadowing at the end, and I want to build a continuity with future stories. This is my first shipping story. Ever.

Edit: This is an updated version of the original. I fleshed it out and cleaned up awkwardness. Hope you enjoy it.

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic belongs to Hasbro (Let me know if I have that right. I really enjoy the show which is why I wrote this and would hate to get in trouble.)


This is the first of a series.

1st: Surprise Party This is it!
2nd: The Dashing Rainbow [link]
3rd: Dinner Party Part 1 [link]
Dinner Party Part 2 [link]
4th: Pinkie's Private Party [link]
5th: Him Part 1 [link]
Him Part 2 [link]
Him Part 3 [link]
Him Part 4 [link]
Him Part 5 [link]
Him Part 6 [link]
Him Family Affairs: [link]
Him Part 7 [link]

Words are mine

My Little Pony belongs to Hasbro (c)
Add a Comment:
 
:iconinsanitycorps:
InsanityCorps Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2012
Dat feel when you know whats gonna happen and have trouble moving forward with the story cause the awkwardness is radiating.

BUT I SHALL FINISH IT!!!
Reply
:iconpatroison:
PatRoison Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for taking the time to read my story. I just hope the awkwardness doesn't become story breaking. :icontwilightawkwardplz:
Reply
:iconinsanitycorps:
InsanityCorps Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2012
It wasnt, and im glad to have finished it and am moving on to your other works.
Reply
:iconfodfrank:
FodFrank Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I just finished reading, and like your other works, it is truly outstanding! Though I have not completely getting my thoughts on the AppleShy-concept yet, it is really well-written! =3 Of course I will continue reading the rest, to see what I think about AppleShy by the end of the story. Anyway, I look forward reading the rest no matter how I think about it, because it is really well-written and entertaining, and think the others will be so too =3

Keep up the good work! :D /)
Reply
:iconapplejack2011:
Applejack2011 Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2012
Epic!
Reply
:iconpatroison:
PatRoison Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much.
Reply
:iconjonbuddy:
jonbuddy Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Damn, if I wasn't already PinkieShy..... :P

Anyways, the story is great so far. I like that no one is questioning the relationship because it's mareXmare. Only RD has a problem, but that's only because it's Fluttershy.
Reply
:iconpatroison:
PatRoison Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much. When I wrote this, I followed the standard, everypony is accepting with the relationship, but RD's disapproval had a specific purpose. :D
Reply
:iconjonbuddy:
jonbuddy Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Well, RD has a darn good reasoning for it, so everything is fine.
Reply
:iconpatroison:
PatRoison Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
True, this is my silly view of Rainbow. To me, at least where Fluttershy's concerned, she's the equivalent of a knight in shining armor. Always there to jump in and save the day without thinking of the consequences.

Her concern was so strong that she entertained the notion, just for a moment, that Applejack would be abusive to Fluttershy.
Reply
:iconjonbuddy:
jonbuddy Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
That's the sign of a true friend/protector/bodyguard - a bit crass, but will all good intentions.
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:iconpatroison:
PatRoison Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Yup, that's how I see Rainbow Dash. :D
Reply
:iconjonbuddy:
jonbuddy Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I would be surprised if one DIDN'T see her as that.
Reply
:iconpatroison:
PatRoison Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I noticed some writers show her as a superhero. Well, either that or a manic depressant. Neither of which I care for.
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconragnarokia:
Ragnarokia Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Decided to spam up the comments on this some more, also reading through the stream of previous ones ended up getting to 1 word per line etc. which was sort of silly, so best start again with new one :p

But anyway, it came to mind that I noticed you used girlfriend over prevoously saying fillyfriend or marefriend etc. you think thats better? As after the hearts and hooves day it is shown that they do use the term girlfriend so I am thinking of going through mine and changing that, as although fillyfriend sounds cute, girlfriend is probably a more suitable approach for the word, what do you think?
Reply
:iconpatroison:
PatRoison Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Hearts and hooves day was the reason I changed fillyfriend to girlfriend. I just got tired of having to juggle between the two, you'll notice that in AppleShy I use fillyfriend and in PinkieShy I use marefriend. I think fillyfriend sounds cute, but I think girlfriend is more suitable since it sound more natural and doesn't knock you out of the story for that split second your mind is looking up the definition. Could be wrong. Hell, I usually am. :D
Reply
:iconragnarokia:
Ragnarokia Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Yea I'm thinking I might use them depending on the story. Some ridiculously cute one likely use fillyfriend while a more serious one would use girlfriend or marefriend etc. I'll think about it, but likely use girlfriend a bit from now on. When I heard it in that episode I did get thinking about it since I wasn't sure if they used the term or not but seeing as they did it is fine to use it now. Maybe depending on characters also, like Fluttershy would like fillyfriend, Rarity likely would like marefriend and Dash probably girlfriend. But I guess it depends if using multiple might get confusing or not to people, will have to check on that I guess or see if people mention it.

I always do find it hard just to make myself do something, especially when I have other commitments as well as I then don't end up doing stuff some days etc. which makes me take longer to get back in the mood to write etc.

Making a fantasy type castle = basic? :p Likely need loads more detail than a pony would need hehe. But yea I agree it might be good to try other stuff to help get the feeling for drawing ok. I might make some none pony things, though they won't be as loved as the pony stuff they would help out, and hopefully people would still like them.

Also yea shoved the old one into this one, if you click the view more on the previous one it gets messy. :iconfluttershyblushplz:
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:iconpatroison:
PatRoison Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
That would be interesting to have different ponies refer to their partner differently, and since it will be the ponies themselves saying it and not you is shouldn't be too confusing.

That's true. One of the charms of the show is the simple nature of the art. I'll just have to hope for the best. :D
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:iconragnarokia:
Ragnarokia Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I do think form the view of the ponies will likely work out, but if not from their view then I think likely best to keep to a set one so likely girlfriend. It's something I'll have to think about when it comes along. If they are saying the word then it will be fine, but if its something like "She looks at her fillyfriend" then it would be more questionable, if it was Fluttershy looking probably work but yea, I guess need to see when it comes.

I can hopefully try get tablet etc. soonish will have to see about that, can't wait to get into it.......well, I can't wait but my mind refusing me to do it can easily wait :p
I do think making some things especially personal things might work nicely for practice art, like a fantasy thing can sort of go where you want it to and doesn't really have to look like anything unlike ponies needing to look like ponies etc. but on the same hand because it doesn't need to look like something maybe it won't work to get you to make stuff that is meant to look like something? Though I doubt it since experience is experience and even if it doesn't resemble anything its still practicing drawing / imagination. And exploring imagination is always good :)
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:iconpatroison:
PatRoison Featured By Owner Feb 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I think you'll be safe using girlfriend outside of dialogue.

I'm not sure how I'll go about drawing a picture, since it's different from writing. I'll see how it turns out. :D
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:iconragnarokia:
Ragnarokia Featured By Owner Feb 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
If only drawing was as simple as pressing buttons [link] :p
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:iconpatroison:
PatRoison Featured By Owner Feb 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I wish it was that simple. Epic game btw. :D
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(1 Reply)
:iconstar-killer89:
Star-Killer89 Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2012
And there I thought you were only going to correct some typos or change just one or two parts....You really added so many details to the story, which also manege to make it more fluent and enjoable to read. :-O

Moreover, now that I already know what will happen in the story and what already happened, I can only imagine how new readers will be tormented to know what happened to make RD so worried about Fluttershy (which, to be honest, in the first draft of this story, never bothered me, nor it really did until reading "Him"). :D

Keep up with the editing...you're doing a great job. ;)
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:iconpatroison:
PatRoison Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
lol, thanks. I started looking over the story, fixing typos, and I noticed that there was a lot that I could have done better.

I'm very happy with how this part turned out, and I'm very excited to finish up "The Dashing Rainbow". That one is a different challenge. This story I had to fix the "show and tell" problems, but Dashing Rainbow is almost all dialogue. It's a fun challenge. :D
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:iconstar-killer89:
Star-Killer89 Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2012
Speaking of which, are you also writing some new chapters of your works or have you decided to fully concentrate on the editing of this series? Moreover, will you also edit the other series you released (like the PinkieShy and the FlutterDash ones)?
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:iconpatroison:
PatRoison Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
For right now, I plan to edit each and everyone of my stories. That includes PinkieShy, and my sorely neglected FlutterDash. I love that pair, but I haven't given it the attention it deserves. Of course, I'm not gonna touch A Quiet Confession until I write the story that connects that one with Rainbow's Best Cheerer.
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:icongunnut51:
Gunnut51 Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
The only thing I miss from the original version is that Mac caught on to AJ's feelings for Fluttershy. Otherwise, I like this version. It gives more a more detailed backstory to when AJ fell in love, and fleshed it out a little more.
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:iconpatroison:
PatRoison Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I miss it too, but I think that Applejack tried to keep her feelings for Fluttershy from him. Notice the "try". She's not very good at hiding things, so he'll know. I want him to really speak when it's most important to the story, because I like to think of him as being really wise and thoughtful, and only speaking when he has to.
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:icongunnut51:
Gunnut51 Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
Will there be a chapter that will have Mac and AJ coming to terms about her feelings? Something like he doesn't approve only because he might have had feelings for her.
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:iconpatroison:
PatRoison Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I want Applejack to be concerned that he doesn't approve, but this is Mac, he knows and he's ok with it. I'm not sure how I'll play it out to be honest.
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:icongunnut51:
Gunnut51 Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
Can you give us any heads up as to whom will end up with whom (aside from AJ and Fluttershy?)
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:iconpatroison:
PatRoison Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'll send you a note on it.
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:iconzora-artist:
zora-artist Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2012  Student Digital Artist
ok!
I re-read it and I ready to coment:
is a Nice start for a story =)
and the fact that the girls make AJ worry whit the letter...
at the beginning, you think that really is something bad, you feel that is gonna be a sad situation...
but then, turns out to be a suprise party, what a change! nice!
and the reaction to AJ was very good!
sure a lot of ponys would have reacted diferent, like angry or pissed off, but the reaction of Applejack was joy!, of know that Fluttershy was ok, and nothing had happened
that really fit her personality, she always care for her friends (in that case, the pony she love) before herself =)
and rainbow...well is a little jerk..for dont trusth in AJ XD, but well...she have her reasons....
ok, thats all, I gonna wait for the next update edited! =)
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:iconpatroison:
PatRoison Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks.

I know Rainbow reacted harshly, but she has her reasons. I like to think of Rainbow as being Fluttershy's unofficial bodyguard. A champion of sorts. :D
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:iconghost3400:
ghost3400 Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2012
I like this, it adds more backstory than originally.
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:iconpatroison:
PatRoison Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you. I'm happy how it turned out. :D
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:iconragnarokia:
Ragnarokia Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Is more fluent and less awkward now, me likes. Now to annoy yourself for many more weeks changing all the others.
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:iconpatroison:
PatRoison Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks. Yeah, right now revision feels like work, but I'll keep at it until it feels normal. :)
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:iconragnarokia:
Ragnarokia Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
It would be nice if you can get it to feel like that. With new work it's easier to make sure it feels right since we've had experience doing it etc. but since the old stuff didn't have that it can prove to be hard to fit it in.
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:iconpatroison:
PatRoison Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
That's what I'm worried about, but I guess it'll be all taken care of in practice. :D
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:iconragnarokia:
Ragnarokia Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Hopefully not lots of practice.
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:iconpatroison:
PatRoison Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
lol, yeah I hope it's not too much practice. XD
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:iconragnarokia:
Ragnarokia Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Less work more play more results.
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:iconpatroison:
PatRoison Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Play is nice. I like play. Much more fun than work.
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(1 Reply)
:iconstar-killer89:
Star-Killer89 Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2012
Great...that's just great...now I will have to read all over again all these WONDERFUL stories just to make sure there are no bigger changes in them ;)
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:iconpatroison:
PatRoison Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks.I promise, that I will leave the core story unchanged. I'm just making the series as a whole, better. :D
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:iconzora-artist:
zora-artist Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2012  Student Digital Artist
so, its starts again
since the beginning you gonna be updating the edited and corrected parts right?
you know thats good, because whit that I gonnna read them again =) nice!
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:iconpatroison:
PatRoison Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Yup, I plan to improve each and every part, but I don't intend on changing the core of the story. I just want to make the whole thing, better. As arrogant as it may make me sound, I feel you all deserve the best I can produce.

Guess I did this at a perfect time for you. :iconfluttershyyayplz::iconsays3plz:Yay!
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:iconzora-artist:
zora-artist Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2012  Student Digital Artist
XD hehehe
Indeed!
well, I dont think that I deserve that much from you, your storys are great, and share it whit us is enough!
=)
I have a read time in the nights, thats when I read the storys and all, and I comment the next day.
since you gonna be uploading again the chapter, I gonna comment about them, because I did not before
your great! =)
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:iconpatroison:
PatRoison Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you. I look forward to reading your comments. :D
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